How to talk about cyberbullying with pre-teens

Practical conversation starters for parents

See how you can talk about cyberbullying with children aged 11 to 13 to prevent bullying behaviours online.

Follow these quick tips to have a conversation about cyberbullying with pre-teens.

One-off face-to-face conversations can ring alarm bells, so talk while out driving, over dinner or while out for a walk.

If your child is a target or has bullied someone else, stay calm. Ask questions and get all necessary information before acting.

If bullying happens, make sure to report and deal with it, and then make sure to follow up and check-in regularly.

Think about when and where best to talk to them – in the car or a neutral place where they feel safe
Jot down what you want to say to focus your mind, and make the conversation relevant to them
Be open and encouraging to make them feel supported
Have a few bite sized conversations to give them time to process

Have access to a smartphone or tablet
Use the internet to play games
Do homework online
Watch videos on YouTube or socialise with friends
There has been a rapid growth in the number of 11-13 years olds using social media – often with accounts on multiple social networks
Children as young as 11 post an average of 26 times a day, attract 100 followers to every one of their profiles
Over two thirds of 11- 12 year olds have a Facebook profile despite a minimum age of 13
Bullying is a learnt behaviour – so it’s important to set a good example and regularly reinforce being a good digital citizen

Set parental controls on devices your child can access – see our parental controls guide
Talk to your child about what it means to have friends and followers online. Are they real friends? Can they trust them?
Be aware that your child might start exploring romantic relationships. Talk about what they can safely share and who to trust
Encourage your child to be kind to others and think about the impact of words and actions
Talk to your child about what bullying is (hurting someone on purpose/several times over) and how people might bully others online
Encourage your child to tell you if they see or experience cyberbullying
Talk to your child about how they use the internet and what they enjoy
Tell your child that if they can’t talk to you they should talk to a teacher at school or contact organisations like Childline

Don’t jump to conclusions. Gently explore with your child what has gone on before the message or the post
Stay calm if you find out your child is experiencing cyberbullying or cyberbullying others
Be aware that cyberbullying can be a continuation of, or a response to bullying already happening at school or elsewhere
Don’t encourage your child to retaliate in any way that is angry, offensive or threatening
Be aware that all forms of bullying can make you feel very sad, afraid and alone. Reassure your child that together you will sort it out
Think carefully before taking away your child’s access to their phone or tablet (this can increase loneliness)
Help your child to report any offensive content to the social media provider
Encourage your child to broaden their network of friends and to take part in activities that make them feel good about themselves
Seek help. You could talk to your child’s school or if your child feels harassed or threatened, the police. There are also charities like Kidscape that can give advice